Bedtime in our house, like most everyone with children, becomes a huge chore. Every night its the same thing.
#1 Kids, its time to get in the shower.
#2 Gabe and Savannah, get in the shower.
#3 GET IN THE DAMN SHOWER....
5 minutes later....
#4 .....hilarious guys....now turn on the water!
I don't get it, they know I'm gonna get irate, I did last night, and the night before, and....well, you get the idea. Its so frustrating, and thats just the shower part. Brushing teeth goes much the same way.
Now that showers are done and teeth are brushed, we read. At this point, I'm usually pretty fired up and probably sound like I could do voice-overs for the Devil himself, so what does Savannah bring out, "My little Pony". Yeah, thats right, we get to read about Pinky Pie and how she is crowned "lillie lightly, queen of all that sparkles and glows." For real???? You expect me to read this crap....now!! I just went through hell to convince you that the three inches of dirt on your face could not, in fact, wait til tomorrow to wash off, followed only by an activity that could easily be compared to playing chicken with a Piranha, and now you want me to bust out my best 'singsong' voice and lull you to sleep with a bunch of stories about magical ponies. I didn't sign up for all this.
Once they both get in bed and 'nighttime pleasantries' have been exchanged, I always get THE QUESTION.
Savannah:.....um......daaaaaaddddy.....ummmmmmm.....what do I dream about?
(Keep in mind that I am not a patient person and I feel like shipping both the offspring to the land of eternal slumber at this point)
Me: What???
Savannah: You need to give me something good to dream about so I can fall asleep.
Me: Hmm, ok....lets see. Why don't you dream that you have a delusional Father who has made it his life's mission to track down all the little pony unicorn things, rip off their horns, and stabs himself in the eyeball repeatedly. Okay!?...*winks*.....sweet dreams princess!!!
She hasn't slept in three weeks.
5 comments:
If it brings any solace to your tormented mind, a half block away the exact same scene is being enacted in my household almost down to the exact detail... even the Pretty Pony books. WEEEIIIIRRRDDD!!!! I used to think the nightly routines were sort of like a strange mix of "Child's Play" and "Ground Hogs Day" Now... knowing the same events are mirrored on the exact opposite end of the block, I am beginning to think Alfred Hitchcock had a hand in writing this twisted saga of cyclical trauma.
Ug! Yuck! Bedtime! Seriously ponies, princesses, barbies, fairies, fluff, anything pink for that matter makes me, well...UGG!! I'm sooo glad I have a boy. We only have to change the bath water once but only if he takes a pee in it. We've decided showers are the way to go and now bedtime routine is going much smoother. PLUS We get to read about Boogers and underwear. NICE!!!!
We've decided it would be a neat science fair project to see how dirty our children can get. The trauma just isn't worth it. Plus my throat hurts really bad the next day from all the love I am shouting at my kids.
Antwan, you are freaking awesome! Your mind scares me! Keep up the great parenting! If you need some advice, talk to Chelsea. If you need some advice for fishing, come talk to me!
funny how the same senario can be played out several states apart... me: Nate, it's time to get in the shower.
Nate: But Mom, I just showered yesterday. Why do I have to shower EVERY DAY?
Me: Nathan, you stink. Get in the shower... 30 minutes (or more) later...Nathan, your hair is not wet and you don't smell like soap or shampoo. Get back in and use soap and wash.
Someday, I wonder if I should just add some bubbles to the sprinkler and let them run through and hope they get clean.
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