Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Fiber One Rocks!!!

Good News: "Fiber One" bars are delicious!!!
Bad News: They are called "FIBER ONE" for a reason.

You would think that such a blatant label would act as a red flag of sorts. Like maybe it was the "Surgeon General" warning for granola bars.

CAUTION: Eating more that the suggested serving size could lead to severe stomach aches, shortness of breathe, and in some very extreme cases, incontinence problems.

NOPE. All I saw was a thin wrapper between me and gooey morsels of oats mixed with chocolate chips, drizzled in more chocolate. I ate waaaay too many at one time. I'm fairly confident that I have a highly educated readership so I won't elaborate too much further. Just consider yourselves warned!!!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Can you hear me now.....GOOD!!!!

I've tried so hard lately to be a little more patient, a little more kind, I've even tried to be patient and kind at the same time. OVERRATED!!!! So, without further ado, welcome to the latest installment of "What kind of a dunderhead are you?"

I have noticed recently that traditional restroom etiquette has fallen by the wayside. What was once a haven for the weary traveler, a sanctuary for three minutes of quiet contemplation, is now the proverbial Water Cooler. WHAT THE HELL!!! I don't know about you, but there are certain times when I would much rather concentrate on the task at hand instead of breaking off into alternate activities. You don't try to do your taxes in a dark movie theater so why are you trying to talk to me in the restroom. Here's a helpful tip for you...SHUT UP!! I know that sounds harsh and gives people a bad impression of me, but really, do you want to talk about the ball game now!!! Could we wait for 3 minutes and at least wash our hands first. Come on!!

Here is another tip, just because your not talking directly to anyone in the bathroom, doesn't make it ok for you to talk on your phone. First of all, bathrooms, in a lot of cases, should be treated like Las Vegas. What happens in the bathroom, should stay in the bathroom. Regardless of your opinion of the person on the other end, they do not deserve to hear some of the noises from the trumpet section!!! Secondly, even if they aren't able to hear anything from anybody else, it forces you, the bathroom phone talker, to severely compromise your personal hygiene. Sure, you may make a vain attempt at the 'shoulder to the ear' technique, but that phone is slipping and your gonna catch it. I guess if your ok with sticking a pee covered Motorola to your ear, be my guest...I just threw up a little bit!!