Thursday, December 18, 2008

Merry Christmas....pass the Wine!!!

I've had it! I am sooooo done with Christmas shopping. I'm done!! I've made an executive decision and this year, instead of buying all the things on my wife's list, I'm simply gonna make a video for her of for everything on her list. Trust me, this would be the gift that keeps on giving.

Take for example, item #........(thinking).......7, a new make-up brush. Hmmmmm, a make-up brush, how hard could that be. Pretty damn hard if you can't find it at Cabela's. I just barely found out that there is a store here in town that sells 'beauty supplies'.....such as a makeup brush. So, here I am, dedicated Christmas shopper, walking into a beauty supply store. I'm glad the Salvation army wasn't taking donations at THAT door, or I might have felt inclined to strip myself of all manliness and shove it in their little red pot....but I digress. So I walk in, and immediately I look around and I quickly realized that this was probably a bad idea and most likely....was not going to end well. I saw curling irons, and hair straightener things, and blow dryers, files, clips, hooks, bands, perms....I was totally out of my element. Fortunately for me, one of the sales associates noticed an increase of testosterone, sorta like the Yoda of Sally Beauty Supply, and quickly came to my rescue, or so I hoped.

Yoda the sales Associate: "Hi, welcome to Sally Beauty Supply, can I help you find something."

Me: "Uhhh....huh (blushes)....yeah...hi, and YES PLEASE!?"

y.t.s.a: "Ummm....ok, what is it that your looking for today?"

Me: "I need a make-up brush...."

y.t.s.a: "Ok, sure, what kind of makeup are you applying?"

Me: "It's not for me, and I have no idea what MY WIFE will be using if for...I'm gonna!"

y.t.s.a: "Right........ I need to know what kind of makeup your 'wife' is applying!"

Me: "I'm really not sure, Cover Girl?!"

y.t.s.a: ", what size does she need?"

At this point I'm thinking...what the hell, her face cant be THAT big! I had no idea that there were sooooo many options for makeup brushes. Long handled-short bristled, short handled-long bristled, I think I even saw one made up of Mink fur and the handle was crafted from bones from the last guy that tried to buy a makeup brush for his wife. I just grabbed one that looked fuzzy....I think it was black! As soon as I handed the brush over the counter to Yoda the Sales Associate, it's like we hadn't met...30 seconds earlier.

Yoda the sales Associate: "Hi, did you find everything all right this evening?"

Me: "Uhhhhhh.....*slightly confused at this point*.....I think so, yeah!"

y.t.s.a: "....greaaaaaat.....and will you be using your Sally card tonight?"

..........wait a minute, my Sally Card?! I had no idea this place even existed 2 hours ago, and now I have a Sally Card!

Me: "I think I'll just use a debit card!"

Maybe next year my wife will ask for a leather boustia!!


jess said...

listen. you shoulda asked me. this is something i can help you with!!!

Fonzareli said...

Uuuuggh! YOU WENT TO SALLY BEAUTY? That's just NASTY! The smell alone makes my nostrils flare! YOU DESERVE A GREAT BIG PRESENT FROM SANTA! You have been a VERY good boy!

Sterling said...

I had a similar experience in the SAME store. Shelby needed more rubber bands for her hair. I didn't know of anyone that would have those other than Sally. We pulled in the parking lot and I said with confidence to Mandy "No big deal! You stay in the car! I got this one!" I figured they had a rack with assorted hair bands and clips.
I boldly marched in the door and looked around. That store is huge! It all looks like stuff my sister would have had strewn all over the bathroom when she was getting ready -- when she was 13. It also looks like the store was organized by a 13 year old. Every inch is stuffed with assorted "crap". I was completely lost. Y.T.S.A greeted me too. "I need those tiny rubber bands for hair" I was shown 3 or 4 different types or hair rubber bands that were in 3 different locations scattered around the store. Confused, belittled and ashamed I grabbed the brightest package and scurried to the register. When I got in the car, Mandy said "Well, this isn't what I was thinking of!" This was the final crushing blow to my reeling ego. The tears began flowing freely now as I sobbed a diminished and shattered lament, kinda like you would after a prostate exam.

Tiffani said...

I love your blog posts... they are so funny! If you ever see a make up brush for sale at Cabela's I want to hear about it.

Chris Scott/Makeup Gourmet said...

First of all, kudos for even daring to enter that arena. Cosmetics can be so intimidating even for the sometimes shopper. Armed with a little know-how, the whole experience can be a rewarding one. Only for future reference do I recommend the COSMETIC COUNTER SURVIVAL GUIDE. It will save any man, woman and child from any more bad or misleading experiences while shopping for makeup/cosmetics. Once again kudos brave man.

C.B. said...


annikab said...

Hey I can understand your problem. There is a ton of options out there for us gals and our makeup. It is kinda like you asking us to go to the parts store and get a part or liquid for the car. Sometimes it can be scary what you end up with!

P.S. I am glad your still alive I have missed you!

Michelle said...

I KNEW that reading your blog this morning would put a smile on my face. You crack my stuff up!

Anneke said...

I am seriously laughing out loud all by myself in my little home office right now - Anthony!!! You cra-ack me up! Thanks!