Thursday, June 19, 2008
Letter to Subway
Dear Lady at the Subway restaurant,
Thank you so much for the delicious sandwich you made me the other day. A 6" turkey on wheat never ceases to tickle the ole' taste buds. However, I am wondering if I could offer a few words of advice for the next time I come in.
#1 Mop your floor....with something other than Sprite. Its bad enough that I have to wait in a line, but waiting in line and having to stand on a sticky floor!!! Every time I inched forward, my shoes wanted to stay where they were. Not cool!!! I felt like I had just stepped in a giant wad of chewed gum.
#2 It was a joke! I know that Jared didn't actually loose all his weight by doing the "sticky floor workout" every time he came into your blessed restaurant. I was trying to be funny. OK, I get it, it wasn't the best joke in the world, but I could really do without the breakdown of Jareds' actual workout routine. Furthermore, whenever somebody responds to your comments with a barely audible "hmmmm"...and then quickly looks down at their shoes (sticky shoes now), its usually a good sign that they don't give a crap what you are talking about.
#3 When you ask what I would like on my sandwich and I reply with "everything but olives"...that could be a pretty good sign that I would like EVERYTHING BUT OLIVES!!!
Me: Yes please.
Me: ...uuuhhhhh, yeah, thanks.
You: Yellow and Jalepeno peppers?
Me: Ya know what.....no! I realize I said I wanted everything but olives, but its apparent your second-guessing my decisions for a reason. Lets just go ahead and skip the yellow and jalepeno peppers and you put on whatever you think would be good.
You: It's your sandwich sir, you can have whatever you like.
Me: Oh really....hmmm....in that case.....let's have EVERYTHING BUT OLIVES!!!
#4 Again, it was just a joke! You told me my total, $5.32 I think, and then I gave you $6...I got it, change is coming. When change comes out of the front of the till, I am well aware that I did not, in fact, just win the Utah lottery. I realize you have an automatic coin dispenser thing-a-ma-jig. I couldnt possibly expect someone of your caliber to stoop to the level of actually counting out correct change.
I hope you will find these few suggestions helpful. Any concerns or comments can be posted in the "comments" section directly below.